Monday, October 26, 2009

WWE: Smackdown Vs Raw 2010 Review.

Just like every sport has a game that comes out annually, So does professional wrestling. WWE Smackdown Vs RAW for the most part has been quite like most other sports games. The same boring gameplay no new features if any, By any I mean those features that worked just as well as sticking your dick into a blender, They just removed them after a year or two.

Smackdown Vs RAW 2010 however seems to change it up a little bit, It adds some more features such as Storyline Creator and Superstar Threads and even changes the old ones up a little bit for example Create a Wrestler and Create a finishing move. Not all changes are for the best though some idiot at THQ thought it would be an awesome idea to put a level capping on your Create a Wrestler so now if you want to make your superstar look like you, A complete retard. You are going to find it hard. Thanks to this system poor old Pedophile Pete had to choose between half unzipped pants with holes in the pockets or sunglasses.

Create a finisher how ever has now added the ability to make a diving finisher. Which would be awesome if the fucking wrestlers would stay on the damned ground as I slowly climb the turnbuckle. It seem's the developers were causally sipping horse tranquilizers as they made this mode as you can make your stereotypical fat American jump high enough to touch the  Milky Way. The galaxy not the chocolate bar and make him spin around more times than Michael Jackson on an ice skating rink. The irony being he is in fact dead.

Another new feature is Superstar Threads. The amazing ability to change what colour clothes your wrestlers have (notice how I said clothes and not threads, I still have a little bit of self respect left). Another mode no one could give a shit about. Remember the good old days of WWF: No Mercy were you could turn Kurt Angle in to the whiny little bitch he is by changing him into a Hispanic Woman with a bad taste in underwear, And you always had that dickhead friend who borrowed the game and when you got it back all the wrestlers were either: fat/black or fat black girls with self esteem issues.

Road To Wrestlemania has not changed except with the ability to take your created wrestler through a story. The other stories can be done with Randy Orton, Mickie James, Shawn Michaels, John Cena & Triple H they had to throw in a tag team just be cunts and Edge. You can even have a voice for your created wrestler who we will call for the purpose of a cheap joke "Ceasar Titts". Now as Ceaser was a beautifully crafted man created by someone with better attention to detail than Da Vinci IE: Me. I thought a young manly voice would be nice. But it turns out that my teory is correct and young people are rude little fuckheads. After Ceaser called Mr McMahon Vin or Vinny five times, I felt the need to bash his UN-respectful head in with a brick while whipping him with a power cord.

Now to get into the small things that pissed me off, Just for shits and giggles. The reverse system is flawed to fuck. No longer can you molest the reverse button as if it were a passed out drunk girl on New Years Eve, Now you have to time it as to when your going to get hit. If you push to early you loose your chance to reverse and have to eat The Undertakers dog shit laced boot. The Commentary is also annoying Michael Cole can suck a hard one, The way he cries about Rey Mysterio I'm suggesting him as a good candidate. Now that it comes to mind who the fuck was in charge of camera angles. After leaving the ring for a bit of a wank, I could no longer see my wrestler as the camera had cut me off and had focused on John Cena trying to get it on with the turnbuckle pad.

Before I forget the Create A Storyline whats-it has a steeper learning curve than a 90 degree angle. For all those toilet cleaners out there that s a line straight up. All I wanted to make was a show were John Cena leaves the WWE after realizing he is a no talent moron who gets pushed because he can sell rap albums and star in D-Grade movies about shit no one cares about while sucking gay Persian arsehole in the ring and having to be carried the whole match my decent wrestlers like Randy Orton, Jericho and Morrison who don't get the title because Cena is a little bitch. Followed by my created Barrack Obama who I laughingly but truthfully set his hometown to Parts Unknown to give up his Peace Prize because he has done fuck all since being elected.

I'm going to start giving games a review score out of 10. A sports game in my opinion should never get higher than a 8.5. So according to Me. Smackdown VS RAW 2010 gets a 8 out of 10.


Kieran

Sunday, October 4, 2009

An Over-Done Tutorial On How To Pronounce My Name.

My name is Kieran.

Kieran is a Scottish name. Now I should not have to be telling you this story but thanks to some "North America's" it has been brought to my attention that the stereotype that all American's are dumb seems to be correct.

Now, on Xbox-Live we all know that running into Americans is like running into a big wall of stupid, But seriously. In this English language that we speak, the simple rule is I before E, Expect after C. Hell it's even song lyrics, What more do you need?
Hence why my name is spelt K-i-e-r-a-n. If you see someone else who spells it any other way, Some popular ones are K-e-i-r-a-n and K-i-e-r-e-n feel free to shoot them on sight and proceed to anal rape their parents with a pineapple.

Another thing you Yanks quite cant understand is how to pronounce my name. It's really not hard. Kieran say it with me, Kieran. Even do the syllobel thing. Kie-Ran. Im sorry Uncle Sam but my name isn't pronounced Korean, Or Kierian, You fucking idiot. But I give you props for having ago because Dante is trying to associate the letter K to something that isnt KFC.

Now i do relise that Americans must always be different. Because of this we are born with American English. Maybe that's whats wrong, You need to learn the proper English language. Because this is how it sounds when words are pronounced correctly.