Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 Review

OK, I'm done. I'm never getting excited about a game unless it's Saints Row or some game in which impregnating every hot chick in the world is the main objective. I got very excited for Grand Theft Auto IV and it let me down worse than the Denver Nuggets final series performances. But how could you not get pumped for a brand new Call Of Duty thats the sequel to such a great game CoD4. Unless your Hitler or Russian.

I'm not saying I don't like Modern Warfare 2. I'm saying it's a letdown. Single player will be the first issue of bitching. I know games like Call Of Duty are built and mostly played for multi-player but with the CoD4 story so good, you think they would expand and make a even better longer single player experience. But instead they make it even shorter. Fair enough it was a good story but atleast find something to do with it. Single player is also hounded by elitist faggots concerning the now infamous "Airport Scene" which involves mowing down innocent people. Really? I enjoyed that to the near point of ejaculation. Now we know how Stalin felt. 

The overall story is good. Has more twists than something that has a lot of twists and is narrated by and only by the loading screens. Now, you may be asking Kieran, You seem to be praising this game. Well, this is where it stops.

Single player is way to short, You could easily beat Veteran in 5-6 hours. Unless you control the game like a quadriplegic standing to take a piss. The ending leads way to yet another sequel. Why can't we just end the fuckin' thing so you can make a new disappointing in length story without a guy named after a fucking cleaning aid.

Multiplayer is also rubbish at things. Everyone still uses the M16 and the P90. Really? We spent two fucking years waiting for this game and you still use the same god'damned weapons. The removal of Juggernaut had me somewhat annoyed, I don't mind you removing it. Just take stopping power with it, So we can use more than Stopping Power on our red perk. There are also to many friggin' attachments for guns also and with the abilty of adding to it makes out for a great silenced heart-beat sensor bonanza. Also, What the fuck is with everyone camping, Im near the point of giving up multi-player because everyone is so fucking paranoid their going to get killed and miss the chance at getting their eleven killstreak AC130. Fuck off with your goddamn silenced Barret 50.cal and if you get the fucking bomb in search and destroy, Please god do not camp with it (with your silenced Barret 50.cal).

Infinity Ward lied to us more times than spell check does with the proper spelling of words. They said we would have local search. Local search works as well as a Motorola cell phone. Every time I get put into a game with Americans. I've got nothing against Americans, Alot of my Xbox Friends are American, I just hate being told that we will get local search to find Australian games and when we get put into a game we get red bar connection. The whole match making system sucks anyway. Half an hour in a 5 man party looking for a team deathmatch game. We finally found one, Host left, Host migration shit itself and died. Then we all got kicked out and the cycle restarts. We were also promised alot more hardcore games for those of us who choose to be creative with our class load-outs and not have ACR, Stopping power and steady aim. We got two hardcore modes. Two. So instead of hardcore free-for-all or headquarters we are blessed with the chance to play 3rd Person Team Death-match. Which is more gimmicked than a TNA pay-per-view.

A new Co-Op mode called Spec Ops is introduced also. It is quite fun although shitty because I can only play with one friend while the others endure our tactical talk and feel sad they're not having the thrilling time with us. Would it kill you to put some fucking checkpoints in? Honestly It can be annoying on Veteran having to start all the way from the start. Please stop lying about your best time Infinity Ward, Your not fooling anyone.

The fast paced style of Call Of Duty seems to be eroding. The fact everyone snipes and we have to endure the "Round winning kill" which just show cases how bad everyone is at aiming. I don't think we can blame Infinity Ward. We are to blame, We care to much about getting a good Kill/Death ratio it's bullshit. When Call Of Duty: World At War came out, I was amazed that no-one used the flamethrower. Sure it's not a good weapons, But more fun than teasing fat Americans with free health-care. So I ask everyone to fuck off with their K/D ratio, And have some fucking fun for Christ sake.

Story - 9

Graphics - 8.5

Sound - 9

Multiplayer - 8.5

Overall - 8.5

Far Cry 2 Review

Ok, Since Ubisoft have now gone into the direction of making games based on other peoples culture and lands, it was only a matter of time before Africa came into it, What part of Africa? We don't know, but i seem to be guessing a cross between South Africa and Somalia.

OK as we begin we get to choose what mercenary we can be and it does not really matter what one you pick seeing as though they never fucking talk, Not only does he have malaria he also has Saints Row 1 disease. Right our mission is to kill a weapons dealer known as "The Jackal". Who seems to be a very witty man, helping those IE us who are planning to kill him. Actually he almost killed me by causing an epileptic fit because of the subtitles moving so fast, because the man cleary does not need to breathe. Seriously everyone in this game talks to fucking fast. This is why games need cut scenes when opening into missions, Assassins Creed also had this problem, NO! I'm sorry but there is no need to still be able to move around freely in briefing's, although there not really briefings there more of a how many words can i say in 15 seconds.

So the storyline suddenly takes a turn for the worse when you relies the country is at civil war between to factions APR and UFLL, And it is your job to do missions for these factions. And these missions are the same fucking things, For example, the first missions for the APR involves you blowing up something of the UFLL, And the UFLL's first mission is you blowing something of the APR up. And it continues like this for the rest of the game, Unless you want to do side quests. Them including Blowing up Weapon convoys, to unlock more weapons to chose from, which makes no sense, How about we steal the truck and the weapons, thus not having to waste money i mean diamonds on piss weak guns. 

Other side missions are being the local hitman to a guy who sounds like Harlem's answer to Darth Vader. Which sounds all well and good but there the same fucking thing, Drive for 20 minutes get out lay some bombs, run away, chuckle and BOOM! mission over. Lets hope you don't laugh to loud because the enemies from 1000 meters away will and do hear you and come charging at you with trucks with grenade launchers which will fuck you up. For a game with so much cover and stealth opportunities it never seems to grasp the idea of stealth.

Another annoying quality is repetition, Driving and Boating along for 20 mins is bad enough but when you have to stop every 20 feet to get out and shoot some guys that you killed 5 mins ago and refuse to go away does get really fucking annoying, and you find yourself looking at the map for up to 6-12 hours just trying to figure away around these "enemy checkpoints". And they are fucking everywhere. And also the game world is to fucking huge. This problem is evident in Grand Theft Auto 4 and Just Cause. Luckily in them you can call a cab or a pick up, which you found yourself doing every time you have to go from a to b, but with the distance covered it might as well been A to Z. More than half of the map is just mountain, forest and desert. Even though the graphics are damn near amazing it still does not make up for the long boring drives.

It seems by now that its very hard to make any friends in this game, Even the door men for both factions will shoot at you given the cease fire is broken, Which is weird because they look and sound like the same person. Although you do have Buddies, And once there dead they is not aint comin back, But while there alive you might as well use them while you can, When you start a faction mission they will ring you up, tell you a more time consuming way to do the mission in return for some hideout upgrades such as Cars and ammo piles. And if you get killed in action they may even turn up to help you out.

The game comes with a map editor, which is a huge waste of time because no one wants to play or download "explosion city" where you think your so fucking original because you stack a shitload of explosive barrels in the middle, some ammo piles and a shitload of mounted machine guns. The maps pre-made by Ubisoft are good enough and don't require taking up my Hard drive space. Multilayer is alright but its consumed with people sitting behind hang gliders snipping you from spawn at any and every given opportunity. And comes with an XP rank up system thats higher than Jimmi Hendrix on a goodnight.

So all in all, Far Cry 2 is a great game. Despite my bitching.

Sound - 8

Graphics - 9.5

Multi player - 7.0

Fun - 8.0

Overall- 8.5

WWE: Smackdown Vs Raw 2010 Review.

Just like every sport has a game that comes out annually, So does professional wrestling. WWE Smackdown Vs RAW for the most part has been quite like most other sports games. The same boring gameplay no new features if any, By any I mean those features that worked just as well as sticking your dick into a blender, They just removed them after a year or two.

Smackdown Vs RAW 2010 however seems to change it up a little bit, It adds some more features such as Storyline Creator and Superstar Threads and even changes the old ones up a little bit for example Create a Wrestler and Create a finishing move. Not all changes are for the best though some idiot at THQ thought it would be an awesome idea to put a level capping on your Create a Wrestler so now if you want to make your superstar look like you, A complete retard. You are going to find it hard. Thanks to this system poor old Pedophile Pete had to choose between half unzipped pants with holes in the pockets or sunglasses.

Create a finisher how ever has now added the ability to make a diving finisher. Which would be awesome if the fucking wrestlers would stay on the damned ground as I slowly climb the turnbuckle. It seem's the developers were causally sipping horse tranquilizers as they made this mode as you can make your stereotypical fat American jump high enough to touch the  Milky Way. The galaxy not the chocolate bar and make him spin around more times than Michael Jackson on an ice skating rink. The irony being he is in fact dead.

Another new feature is Superstar Threads. The amazing ability to change what colour clothes your wrestlers have (notice how I said clothes and not threads, I still have a little bit of self respect left). Another mode no one could give a shit about. Remember the good old days of WWF: No Mercy were you could turn Kurt Angle in to the whiny little bitch he is by changing him into a Hispanic Woman with a bad taste in underwear, And you always had that dickhead friend who borrowed the game and when you got it back all the wrestlers were either: fat/black or fat black girls with self esteem issues.

Road To Wrestlemania has not changed except with the ability to take your created wrestler through a story. The other stories can be done with Randy Orton, Mickie James, Shawn Michaels, John Cena & Triple H they had to throw in a tag team just be cunts and Edge. You can even have a voice for your created wrestler who we will call for the purpose of a cheap joke "Ceasar Titts". Now as Ceaser was a beautifully crafted man created by someone with better attention to detail than Da Vinci IE: Me. I thought a young manly voice would be nice. But it turns out that my teory is correct and young people are rude little fuckheads. After Ceaser called Mr McMahon Vin or Vinny five times, I felt the need to bash his UN-respectful head in with a brick while whipping him with a power cord.

Now to get into the small things that pissed me off, Just for shits and giggles. The reverse system is flawed to fuck. No longer can you molest the reverse button as if it were a passed out drunk girl on New Years Eve, Now you have to time it as to when your going to get hit. If you push to early you loose your chance to reverse and have to eat The Undertakers dog shit laced boot. The Commentary is also annoying Michael Cole can suck a hard one, The way he cries about Rey Mysterio I'm suggesting him as a good candidate. Now that it comes to mind who the fuck was in charge of camera angles. After leaving the ring for a bit of a wank, I could no longer see my wrestler as the camera had cut me off and had focused on John Cena trying to get it on with the turnbuckle pad.

Before I forget the Create A Storyline whats-it has a steeper learning curve than a 90 degree angle. For all those toilet cleaners out there that s a line straight up. All I wanted to make was a show were John Cena leaves the WWE after realizing he is a no talent moron who gets pushed because he can sell rap albums and star in D-Grade movies about shit no one cares about while sucking gay Persian arsehole in the ring and having to be carried the whole match my decent wrestlers like Randy Orton, Jericho and Morrison who don't get the title because Cena is a little bitch. Followed by my created Barrack Obama who I laughingly but truthfully set his hometown to Parts Unknown to give up his Peace Prize because he has done fuck all since being elected.

I'm going to start giving games a review score out of 10. A sports game in my opinion should never get higher than a 8.5. So according to Me. Smackdown VS RAW 2010 gets a 8 out of 10.

Kieran

An Over-Done Tutorial On How To Pronounce My Name.

My name is Kieran.

Kieran is a Scottish name. Now I should not have to be telling you this story but thanks to some "North America's" it has been brought to my attention that the stereotype that all American's are dumb seems to be correct.

Now, on Xbox-Live we all know that running into Americans is like running into a big wall of stupid, But seriously. In this English language that we speak, the simple rule is I before E, Expect after C. Hell it's even song lyrics, What more do you need?
Hence why my name is spelt K-i-e-r-a-n. If you see someone else who spells it any other way, Some popular ones are K-e-i-r-a-n and K-i-e-r-e-n feel free to shoot them on sight and proceed to anal rape their parents with a pineapple.

Another thing you Yanks quite cant understand is how to pronounce my name. It's really not hard. Kieran say it with me, Kieran. Even do the syllobel thing. Kie-Ran. Im sorry Uncle Sam but my name isn't pronounced Korean, Or Kierian, You fucking idiot. But I give you props for having ago because Dante is trying to associate the letter K to something that isnt KFC.

Now i do relise that Americans must always be different. Because of this we are born with American English. Maybe that's whats wrong, You need to learn the proper English language. Because this is how it sounds when words are pronounced correctly.

Nazi Zombies: Der Riese Review.

Most people tend to think that having your whole game being played for one thing as a bit of a shitty game. And I tend to agree. But this time it literally is Treyarch vs Infinity Ward. In my personal opinion in terms of Single Player I go for World At War, Now before we light on fire worse than a small outback Melbourne town, I like WW2. I know that WW2 video games are prostituted just as much as Mario these days, But with recent war efforts the Americans need something to liften the spirits. I also like how the whole god damn storyline is not based on movies. This is a fact because their is no storyline in World At War, Shoot some Japanese, Shoot some Germans. Win the game, Achievement for you.

If we buy games purely for Muliplayer which is often the case in most if not all FPS (exception of Brothers in Arms because that multiplayer is worse than multiplayer on the arcade version of Bukkake Ninja) We really don't need Single-Player which tends to be the excuse Infinity Ward as mustard up. You can say "It's really a single player experience" all you want but when that lasts for 5-6 hours, I'd get a better time playing the hard as fuck built in game on my Television. But the real reason is Co-Op fails. No one plays it on World At War for 4 reasons. First people are dickheads, Second you are a dickhead, Third I'm a dickhead and Fourth We are all dickheads. We can complain and say PUT IN A CO-OP mode all we want but when they do we find ourselves over-whelmed with idiots fucking it up. I don't care you know a glitch, Shut the fuck up and drive your tank to the end. The only good Co-Op I've ever known that's based on the actual storyline of games is Saints Row 2.

Now back to reviewing Nazi Zombies. Since Treyarch realised no one gives a shit about your actual hard work and would rather play some dumb mini-game you thought of, We now have 3 Map Packs. All of which we buy for and only Zombies. Now in case your an idiot who didn't buy World At War purely on the belief that anything Treyarch make is the evil spawn on Stalin, Zombies is you and up to 4 people battling it out trying to survive X amount of rounds.

In Der Riese, There are several new thing's. Such as Weapon Upgrade Machine otherwise known as The Pack-A-Punch. It will turn your ordinary Gewehr into well an ordinary Gewehr. But say we put the Browning through and it becomes an ammo stealing cunt machine gun that will run out of ammo before you can think of 2 examples of cheese's.

There is also Teleporters, Which are useless because no one camps near them and if you are stupid enough to all they do is transport you into a small confining alcove and makes you get a good raping, Good enough to put Michael Jackson to shame.

For 800 points or 15 Australian Playstation Money crap, It's well worth it, It comes with new Achievements and it's well worth playing it with friends. And don't listen to Infinity Ward fanboys because Nazi Zombies will shit all over "Special Ops" mode, But you can't tell them that, But if they realised Clean Up Captain Price's Dogshit Filled Backyard, They'd still grovel at the damned thing.

Just Cause Review

Since no games have or come out in the past month, I'm going to go a wee bit retro. With the smash hit Just Cause.

Just Cause is set on a series of Islands somewhere near South America. The in-game world is way to big which seems to be the case in these "Sandbox" games. Something I've never understood because the sandboxes I've come across all have crying children and are full of cat shit. But in any event the world is far to big and it's one of those ones where it's big just to be big. Like a Gay black porn movie. Honestly what is the point of having a world so large when about 80-90% of it is fucking tree's and hills. And what confuses me to tits is that some trees you can glitch through and others will stop you from your speed of about 120km and set you and your car on fire. Mother Nature yet wins again.

You take on the roll of Rico Mendez or something I'm not good with Spanish crap, Perhaps it should be the Janitor at the San Antonio train station writing this, But I don't care. Rico is one of those faggot Latin stereotypes where he talks gay, looks gay, walks gay, acts gay and most probably is of course... Gay. But in true style he is someone of a ladies man.

The main story is about 20 missions. I kid you not, 20. Shorter then that of a blonde haired 4 year old's stay in Portugal. And you have over 300 side mission's. 300, Why the fuck could you not remove a few of these to make some room for more story mission's. I realise that in Sandbox games such as this replay ability is a touchy subject. But don't overrun your game by these modes. They include, Assassination's, Stealing Cars and blowing random shit up. And as you can tell by my 3 and only examples they are more repetitive then a Serbian DJ's music choices.

All of these "Sandbox" type of games all require vehicles and/or other modes of transportation. In Just Cause you can drive a car that handles like a brick with toothpicks for wheels. Aeroplanes that fly as if they've already crashed into the twin towers, And boats that move slower the Retirement home conga line. But if your smart like I am you use this for a little bit and when you realise you can just call up your CIA friend with their helicopter to drop you anywhere on the map, Why bother doing it manually.

Just Cause is a single player only game which is good because online play would be deader then a 1960 Black person riding shotgun as the bus pulls into Oklahoma.

A List Of Programs I Use

In terms of video editing I tend to use:
Sony Vegas- www.sonycreativesoftware.com
Adobe After-Effects- www.adobe.com
Pinnacle Studio 10 - www.pinnacleys.com

Sound And Music Editing:
Sony Vegas- www.sonycreativesoftware.com
Audacity - audacity.soundforge.com
Sound Forge- www.sonycreativesoftware.com

And Im Now Learning To Use Moho(Anime Studio) Because I dont like Adobe Flash.
Moho- www.lostmarble.com

3D Models
Blender- www.blender.org
Endorphin- www.naturalmotion.com


Hope these help you guys.